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Humor Rounds

The Oncologist, recognizing the need for humor in all our lives, is pleased to feature the cartoons and comic genius of Brian Moench, M.D. Dr. Moench's levity helps to gently remind physicians and caregivers that, indeed, laughter is the best medicine.

Dr. Moench's cards, calendars and specialty shirts may be ordered through: In Your Face Cards, 4091 Splendor Way, Salt Lake City, Utah, 84124, USA. Telephone: 800-377-8878; fax: 801-272-9157. In Your Face Cards is a "MisFortune 500 company dedicated to life, puberty, and the pursuit of non-violent humor."

Investigators at a major research institution have recently discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad). This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are collectively known as morons, and are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it is considered by many to be catalytic since it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it.

 

This Article Full Text (PDF) eLetters: Submit a response to this article Alert me when this article is cited Alert me when eLetters are posted Alert me if a correction is posted Services E-mail this article link to a friend Similar articles in this journal Alert me to new issues of the journal Download to citation manager Reprints/Permissions Citing Articles Citing Articles via Google Scholar Google Scholar Search for Related Content